There are many times when life surprises you by throwing unexpected things, people and events your way. And then there are instances when you surprise life by making choices and decisions you normally wouldn't go for under different circumstances, i.e. if you weren't fighting off sheer mental exhaustion. These brief moments of insanity are exceedingly common, like reading that new pocketbook instead of memorizing Netter's, or playing that Kardashian game instead of studying for the bimonthly, or watching the latest episodes of your favorite anime/TV show/cartoon and you swear to yourself you'll only see one measly episode and TADA! It's 3 A.M. and you haven't finished a single chapter in Mama Gray's. Let the panic attack begin.
Case in point: my decision to apply for medicine was, in a word, crazy. I was not in my most sane frame of mind, in fact many would argue that I'm never in a sane frame of mind, but that's beside the point. For some unknown, mystical, and magical reason, the universe decided to work on my side for once and miracle of miracles, I landed a spot in CIM, the best, most awesome and most kick-ass med school in the whole universe! (Dramatic music playing) So there I was, young and naive, thinking med was no biggie, enjoying the orientation week, laughing it up, making new friends. And then the first long exam slaps me in the face with a gigantic failing mark.
Being the typical gullible, optimistic, rainbows and sunshine youth, I brushed it off (with the help of multiple cups of ice cream and a playlist of my most happy high-inducing songs on shuffle) and I somehow managed to brainwash myself with the usual make-yourself-fell-better excuses: that it was fine, it's only the first exam, I can do better on the next one, etc. And then the first unit came and the second unit, and now the third, and my deficits only grew larger. By that time my self-esteem was near non-existent, and I had a lot of soul-searching to do, starting with the most pressing existential question of all time: where do I want to eat?
After drowning my sorrows in ice cream in typical me-fashion (diabetes, here I come), I went digging in the deepest recesses of my soul in search of the elusive mythical creature that is my reason-for-being-in-med. I wish I could say this story ends on a happy note, that I find my reason and am more psyched than ever to throw myself to the guillotine of brain-melting, migraine-inducing, insanity-causing whirlwind of med life, but in all honesty I'm still digging. Let me be the first to admit it's embarrassing and childish that I haven't found a valid reason for being here, unlike other smarter, wiser, more awesome and responsible people I know, but a word from the not-so-wise: you can't rush awesomeness.
So a quick shout-out to all my fellow wanderers meandering through life without clear purpose and meaning, you are not alone! And to all those amazing people who already figured out who exactly you want to be and where you want to go, please share the awesomeness with others less enlightened. In the end though, we're all just vagabonds on this journey through the vast expanse of life. Let's not get discouraged this early in the game, uncover your inner awesome and prove the universe right for putting you here in this exact place and time. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but like they say, life is about the journey, not the destination. So go crazy, make mistakes, eat ice cream! Let life surprise you, and don't hesitate to surprise life too. Because good or bad, this is your journey, you gotta live it.
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| (c) Alex Ding (www.medicalschoolsuccess.com) |
Written by Elizabeth Wagas of Batch Vertex
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