Passion and The Possibility of Wonder

     Wonder! The substance of otherwise passe lives. The life of life itself. Where has it gone?

     It goes without saying that cultivating a sense of wonder is an essential part of learning, and learning well. However, wonder isn't exactly easy to be had. And in an atmosphere as dreary as studying in a dark room lit only by the dusty study desk lamp in the wee hours of the night for exams that are a constant demoralizing reminder of how little one actually remembers and how much less one understands, wonder is, if any of it is left at all, hardly there.

     Which begs the question, "Does the medical student have time for wonder? Or is wonder a luxury for those with more time on their hands?" Think about it. When was the last time you actually looked into a textbook and actively pursued your curiosity, as opposed to reading just what was required of you? Or for the sheer joy of learning instead of necessity?

     One can very well argue that if and when students are left to faculties of their own interest, save for the few exemplary, less is achieved than when learning becomes a requirement. And when contextualized into the setting of a medical education, it becomes even clearer that necessity plays a much larger role than wonder in getting students to study. (Medical students do, after all, need to learn ALL the necessary skills to treat a patient in a very limited amount of time.) It is no wonder that wonder is forgone. To say it comes close to consideration is overstating it. 

     It appears, then, that in the case of the medical student, wonder, once thought indispensable, is quite actually the opposite. Wonder become the necessary compromise to succeeding.

     And that strikes the learner as particularly unsettling. I mean, that the be-all and end-all of learning is disposable raises the question of whether or not he is learning at all. Furthermore, considering that people do normally forget that loving our goals and loving the means are exclusive of one another, he begins to equate daily frustration with disillusionment. Indeed, inspiring the heart with ambition is easy, but the every day that leads up to it can be so, so difficult.

     So where does that leave the medical student? Is he forced to take to a form of learning that leaves no room for wonder?

     I'd venture to say, "Not really." For while the medical student does have a marked predisposition for disenchantment, wonder does, in fact, remain a matter of perspective. Yes, it's one that is hard-won, but not totally impossible. 

     There is this beautifully simple phrase in the Filipino language that goes, "Para kanino ka gumigising tuwing umaga?" Who is it you wake up for each morning? And whatever the answer to that question is for you, that, for me, is reason enough to warrant the possibility of wonder int he hectic workaday.

     If and when the medical student sets his gaze on the needs of others instead of himself, he is thrown into a place of potential wonder. Each time he opens a book filled with thousands of details unknown to him and unknowing of the hours he's spent reading them, each time he takes an exam he knows so little of, yes, he risks losing his sense of wonder. But at the same time, he is also introduced to the opportunity of learning more, and of finding greater wonder. And so he risks disenchantment anyway, because at the end of the day, it isn't about him. He risks it all for the other. 

     What it comes down to, in the end, I guess, isn't if we're happy with what we're doing because, let's face it, most days won't find us happy. Au contraire, most days will find us tired, depressed or totally stressed out. What it comes down to, I guess, is if we're passionate enough to risk falling out of love with our chosen path time and time again; if our passion to serve others means more to us than a few failures on the way to that goal.

     To end, here is an excerpt from a poem that has easily become a personal favorite, Eduardo Calasanz' Awit Kay Ana.

Sa mga bigo sa pag-ibig

Labis ang hinihiling

Umibig, umibig, umibig pa rin

Nang may magawa ang mga bituin

Written by Clarence Aaron Sy of Batch Spectra